Stepping into the Same River Twice
Sometimes life puts you in a time loop
For the past few months I’ve had the strange feeling of reliving 2017–2018, but with softer edges. The same thoughts, the same situations, the same difficult decisions - only this time less intense than the raw shock of May 18, 2018. It feels like stepping into the same waters I entered in 1998, except this time I stayed four times longer.
Why does this particular loop feel so different now?
In the last year I lost four very close friends. Two of them - Mojina and Moreno - were incredibly supportive during the hardest months of the COVID pandemic. I had seen both just a few months ago. Their departures, almost simultaneous, left a deep silence. The other two I had known for nearly forty years, mostly through work, but our connection remained close and personal.
Then came the second departure from the same company. The first time, years ago, felt like a clean break. This time it carried more weight. I saw the same obstacles I had seen before. But what stayed with me most were the people - the strong relationships we built together. Those bonds helped us overcome difficulties and made the experience truly valuable.
Should I laugh or cry. Many on my team cried. I think the people who forced this change didn’t see the bigger picture or the problems already forming on the horizon. Now those problems are theirs, not mine. Still, I genuinely wish them success.
My daughter, with her usual clarity, said:
“You’ll finally have time to think about what you really want.”
And when your daughter says something like that, you listen!
What KT boundaries have I crossed in my life so far?
KT1 marked the end of my high‑energy physics research years, though I still keep connections with people from those labs.
KT2 was the long SPARC epoch - a period that influenced not only me, but generations of students, scientists, and engineers.
KT3 is still taking shape. I don’t have a clear name for it yet, but I feel the ground shifting. Dramatic changes are coming.
Perhaps that’s what time loops are for - not to punish us, but to give us another chance to see what we missed the first time. To carry forward what was valuable, to release what no longer serves, and to step into the next chapter with clearer eyes.
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